Fuckin' up
It's not that we all don't get opportunities, it's that we fuck them up. Let's be quite honest here, we've all met girls, we've all been in situations that, once you look back on them make us slap our heads and go 'Christ! I could've turned that one into kissing!'
I'm as guilty of this as the next man, in fact, I'll go further than that. I have a record of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory that would make...um...(insert reference to a group who do this on a global scale here) proud. For the record, during all of these times, I was drunk. (I'm irish, what do you want!)
Instance #1:
The setting: Paris
The girl was a British Backpacker (later christened 'Notorious'). We were walking the streets, enjoying a balmy night. We'd been talking for hours about life, love, 80s action television programmes. She mentioned she was hungry. With more than a little Sean Connery, I dropped in that I had some Chocolate back at the room.
With a look that suggested a little more than Chocolate, she said 'well let's go there then.'
Cue - Fuck up music.
Somewhere between that and the room I forgot why we were going & actually got hungry. When we reached the room, she sat down on the bed, and let out her hair.
I rooted frantically through my rucksack looking for the half bar of Milka I was sure I had stashed in a sock.
Instance #2:
The setting: A taxi
Consider the case of a man who has a crush on a girl. The girl has a long term boyfriend. The man and the girl go out together with a group. They share a taxi home. On the way, the man, drunk, plops his hand down on what he thinks is his leg. It turns out to be hers. He says 'Sorry, Ithought that was my leg'
She turns to him and goes 'It's ok, you could leave it there'
He looks at her.
He breathes in.
He says 'Ah, would you look at that' and takes his hand away, a vague notion of gentlemanliness about him, in the hope that she will realise she is a gentleman, and agree to have hot monkeysex ignoring the fact that that is exactly what she is doing!.
He sucks ass, I think you'll agree.
(He is me, btw)
Instance #3
Location: Various.
We are moving from the bar to a house party with a large group.She says 'hey, I have to pick something up in my house, come with' We hop a taxi alone to her house. She finds her stuff & we get a taxi from her house to the party. Where she grabs me, and we lock ourselves in the bathroom while we have a smoke. she then moves us to a bedroom in the house. Where she wants to have a quiet chat.
DURING THIS TIME, IT NEVER OCCURS TO ME TO MAKE A MOVE!
I am a fool.
I'm as guilty of this as the next man, in fact, I'll go further than that. I have a record of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory that would make...um...(insert reference to a group who do this on a global scale here) proud. For the record, during all of these times, I was drunk. (I'm irish, what do you want!)
Instance #1:
The setting: Paris
The girl was a British Backpacker (later christened 'Notorious'). We were walking the streets, enjoying a balmy night. We'd been talking for hours about life, love, 80s action television programmes. She mentioned she was hungry. With more than a little Sean Connery, I dropped in that I had some Chocolate back at the room.
With a look that suggested a little more than Chocolate, she said 'well let's go there then.'
Cue - Fuck up music.
Somewhere between that and the room I forgot why we were going & actually got hungry. When we reached the room, she sat down on the bed, and let out her hair.
I rooted frantically through my rucksack looking for the half bar of Milka I was sure I had stashed in a sock.
Instance #2:
The setting: A taxi
Consider the case of a man who has a crush on a girl. The girl has a long term boyfriend. The man and the girl go out together with a group. They share a taxi home. On the way, the man, drunk, plops his hand down on what he thinks is his leg. It turns out to be hers. He says 'Sorry, Ithought that was my leg'
She turns to him and goes 'It's ok, you could leave it there'
He looks at her.
He breathes in.
He says 'Ah, would you look at that' and takes his hand away, a vague notion of gentlemanliness about him, in the hope that she will realise she is a gentleman, and agree to have hot monkeysex ignoring the fact that that is exactly what she is doing!.
He sucks ass, I think you'll agree.
(He is me, btw)
Instance #3
Location: Various.
We are moving from the bar to a house party with a large group.She says 'hey, I have to pick something up in my house, come with' We hop a taxi alone to her house. She finds her stuff & we get a taxi from her house to the party. Where she grabs me, and we lock ourselves in the bathroom while we have a smoke. she then moves us to a bedroom in the house. Where she wants to have a quiet chat.
DURING THIS TIME, IT NEVER OCCURS TO ME TO MAKE A MOVE!
I am a fool.
posted by Andy at 5:28 PM
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